What are you doing with the feelings that you don't like or want to experience? Tune in to today's episode and learn 3 things you may be doing with your uncomfortable emotions and what to do instead.
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You're listening to episode 15.
Hello and welcome to Veterans Get after It podcast where I give military men and women, the tools to feel less overwhelmed, moreconnected in motivated to get after to the life they want. If you wantto know how to use the power of coaching and get after what'spossible, because this place is for you. I'm your host. When you rearmy veterans and certified my coach, let's get after it.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Hello and welcome back my military community. And if this is yourfirst episode or your first time listening in to veterans, get after itpodcast, I want to personally welcome you. And I'm super excitedthat you're here. Thank you so much for tuning in and today'sepisode is really good. You guys, I hope that everyone is feelingwell, feeling amazing, but also for those of you that may not befeeling so well or amazing or great this episode is for you. Andbefore I get right into it, I just want to go ahead and just say, thankyou for everyone that reached out to me, sent me a text message orsent me a DM over on Instagram. Thank you so much for checkingon me. It really meant a lot. So thank you again for thinking of meand let's get right into it guys.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
So today's episode is for anyone and everyone out there that is goingthrough a negative emotion for anyone that isn't feeling so well, thatisn't feeling great that in this point of their life, they feel defeated.They possibly feel discouraged. Disappointed. This episode is foryou because if you didn't notice the title of the episode is what areyou doing with your negative emotions? What are you doing withthe fillings that you don't like? The feelings that we don't necessarilyget to choose and pick, right? Because they are the unwantedfeelings, which by the way, if you haven't checked out that episode,highly recommend that you do. And that is episode number three.So you can either pause this episode and go back to number threeand listen to that one, or listen to this episode and then go back andlisten to episode number three.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
So the feelings that we don't necessarily like to deal with, right? Sowe then unconsciously deal with them in a way that doesn't serve us.So today, in this episode, I am going to give you the possible threethings that you are doing instead of just actually allowing thatnegative emotion so that you can continue to move forward so thatyou can do the things that you want to actually do. Okay. So here wego. Here are three main things we do with our uncomfortableunwanted negative emotions. First, we tend to resist it. We tend toresist or negative emotions, and this is a faint, I personally used tothink that by resisting it, which pretty much means not to eventhinking about it or allowing the feeling to even occur within ourmind or bodies, right? Like not wanting to even believe that I wasactually upset about something.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I'm like, Nope, not going to feel upset. Now I'm at work. This is notthe time. Right. But this is a thing I used to think that that used tosomehow just give me a little bit of relief. Um, kind of clear mymind a little bit, but it actually did the opposite because instead of Iactually being aware and conscious that I was actually getting upset,I was pretty much kind of like ignoring it, right? Like saying, Nope,not angry. I'm not going to be angry right now. I'm just going to putit away and I'll have a better day. But it wasn't that because I waskind of just hiding it away and then something else came up andthen it would just compound. Right. So if you see where I'm goingwith this, just imagine holding a ball, a beach ball in water in thepool, and the more angry or bothered or frustrated you get, the moreyou keep pushing the ball in the water.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Eventually that ball is going to have to come out of the water. Right.And that's technically when I would literally go off, I would go offon my loved ones, because if you really take a moment to thinkabout it, I used to go to work early in the morning, PT. I used toshower in the building, used to be at work all day. So all of thosenegative emotions that I encountered throughout the morning, theday, the afternoon in the evening when I was at home with myfamily, with my kids, especially how would then go off now?Obviously I wouldn't, um, you know, say any bad words to them,but I would really, um, for me it was more of like the yelling part.Like I already told you, you're not getting juice or whatever it couldhave been. Right. But I, because I was resisting it at that moment,you know, the ball just literally came out of the water.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Right. So that's what we do unconsciously with our negativeemotions throughout the day. Right. So that's the first one, the nextone is reacting. Oh. And that was my biggest one too. And most ofyou are probably like, yep, that's me. When we react in a way withpeople that they possibly don't even understand really whathappened. Right. Because you are just all of a sudden reactinginstead of responding. Right. And what I mean by that is when youdon't take a moment to really face your negative motion. Right. Sofor example, for me, it was frustration. I used to be frustrated, um,some things at work. I, you know, I created frustration because Iused to think that, you know, people weren't doing it right. Or theyjust didn't understand that I couldn't do it, you know, in, in such a,you know, fast pace or a quick turnaround, because as you guysknow, especially being at Fort Bragg, everything is due yesterday.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Right. So a lot of those things frustrated me. And most of the time Iwould react possibly even with, you know, a coworker or I wouldreact with again with my family. Right. Like, I didn't know that Iwas actually reacting. So I would again, yell or, or scream. And thenI remember one time I literally got in my car, as soon as I got offposts, like left posts. When, you know, when you're like exiting theinstallation, I just started crying. You guys, I'm a crier. Like if I'mangry, I will cry. So that was me just reacting to my negativeemotion unconsciously. Right. We don't really take a moment torealize or better yet. No one teaches us how to allow our emotions.Right. Or feel our emotions. So most of us, I like to call it like, we'llact like toddlers, right?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Like that's what kids do. Kids know how to allow their feelings andyou know, they'll cry or they'll just, um, sometimes even yell. Butmost of the time they're like reacting to, right. So that's what I wasdoing. And what I want to offer you today is to feel your emotionsand just allow them instead of resisting them or reacting to thatnegative emotion. Because the worst part about this, you guys is thatwe do this with our loved ones. We do this with the people closest tous. And I don't know about Shu, but for me, you know, they are themost important humans on this earth for me. And you know, let's notmention our, you know, our soldiers are airmen or sailors orMarines, right. We don't want to react because again, we are leaders,right? We want to know how to manage our emotions.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
We want to be able to know that we are able to possibly evendemonstrate and show everyone around us that a negative emotionis okay. It's just how we manage it. Right? Because at the end of theday, we do not live in a perfect world. We do not live in a worldwhere we're going to be happy a hundred percent of the time. Ifthat's what you believe or you think, or other people are showingyou, or you're seeing other people just happy all the time, you bestbelieve that that's not how they are living a hundred percent of thetime, right? It may be just when you see them, but you want to beable to experience the human experience, which is positive andnegative emotions, right? Because things will happen. Things willhappen. Life will happen. And so this leads me into the third thingavoiding you guys.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I'm an avoider too. I'm all three. I've done all three. And I'm sureyou guys have too. And I am not ashamed of sharing this with youguys because I am no longer that person. I am no longer the personthat will go off on my kids just because I can't manage his emotions.I mean, yes, of course sometimes, Oh, yell, you know, if they're notclose to me, I'll, you know, yell for, you know, to grab their attentionbecause they're upstairs or downstairs, vice versa. But I no longerhave to put my emotions or react in a way that I like the way that Iused to. So this is why I think that this episode is going to be sobeneficial for you, because this is something that you can also sharewith your soldiers, with your families, with anyone and everyonearound you with other leaders.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So avoiding our negative emotion has actually become very easyand acceptable by our culture, our society, the time that we areliving in now, and these are the common ways people are actuallyavoiding their emotions. And it's either by overeating, over-drinkingworking too much by watching way too much Netflix or Hulu,whichever provider you have. There's so many, right? I mean, itbecomes so easy now to just avoid it. And again, I'm raising myhand. That used to be me. I used to overeat. I used to binge on socialmedia a lot. And for some of you, it may not be overeating Mavover drinking. It may be over Netflixing. It could be over socialmedia, right? It could be consuming a lot of social media, whateverthat may be. Take a moment to ask yourself, are you doing one ofthese things, right? Like, are you possibly overeating over drinking?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Are you possibly over Netflixing social media? Are you workingtoo much? That used to be me too. So again, these things that we dounconsciously to not serve us, it actually does the opposite. So whynot just allow and feel that negative emotion? Here's why it'suncomfortable. We don't like being uncomfortable. It's that simple.We want to be comfortable. We want to be happy. We want to beable to feel good, right? So why not just be uncomfortable becauseno one has showed us how to actually feel and allow our emotions.And that's what I'm here for. You guys, I'm here to help you beginallowing your emotions. So step number one is to pay attention tohow you are dealing with your negative emotion. Are you the onethat's resisting it? Are you the one that is reacting to it? Are you theone that is avoiding it?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
What are you doing with your negative emotion? That's step numberone, step number two is to actually feel that negative emotion. Andthis is how here are the two questions I want you to ask yourself,what am I feeling? And where is it in my body? So let's just say,you're feeling angry. What am I feeling? I'm angry. Where is it inmy body? I feel it on the back of my neck, it's hot or it tingles, or itis, um, I feel this sharp pain, whatever it may be right in your body.And then when you actually acknowledge it, then you can just take adeep breath, let it out and ask yourself, what is it that I'm thinkingright now? That's causing this emotion. Just acknowledging thatthought, right? You know, I'm upset at this leader or, um, thethought could be, I don't like the way this person talked to me.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
I don't like the way this person said this to me. Right. It wasdisrespectful. So the just acknowledging it, right? That's all we wantto do. Just acknowledging the thought. That's creating that feeling.That's all we're doing. And then just sitting there a moment. If youhave to go to your office and just do that quick exercise or go to thecar or, you know, go somewhere where you can be alone and justexperience that emotion pre breathe out as many times as you needand write it down, write down what you're thinking. And I'm notsaying change the thought. I'm just saying to just be with thatfeeling, be with that negative feeling for a moment. So then you'reacknowledging that you're not resisting it. You're not to reacting andthat you're not going to try to avoid it. You're just actually allowingand filling that negative emotion.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
All right, you guys, I hope that this has been tremendously helpfulfor you because when I tell you that I am literally doing this everyday on top of praying on top of coaching and therapy, or I just saidthat, right? Coaching and therapy, I have to do this. I've done thiswork for almost three years and I am a human. I have a humanbrain. I do this every single time. I'm experiencing a negativeemotion and I'm going to time it in my life right now, where it'shappening to me more routinely. I am in a phase of my life that ishappening. I have no control over. And I just want to tell you andencourage you all that you are human. No, one's perfect. No one hasa happy, perfect life. So whatever you're struggling with, I want youto know that you're not alone.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
And if this is something that resonated with you and you know, youneed additional help, you know, you possibly need therapy or youwere like coaching on this specifically, send me an email email@example.com. Or you can also go on my website,www.wendyray.com for slash free session schedule free session withme. And I promise you, after you leave the call, you all, not onlystart implementing the additional tools that I will provide to you, butyou will start feeling more relieved because you are actuallyallowing the negative emotion. No one gets away with negativeemotions. I don't care how much money you have, what rank youare, what position you have in the military. Outside of the military.Everyone goes through this, especially during the transition. Ifyou're transitioning now, you best believe you're going to encountera lot of negative emotions. So again, if this is something that youknow that you need help with, or you need someone to hold youaccountable, you need someone to give you additional tools.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You need to really learn this process because you are possiblyovereating you're overdrinking. You can't seem to get off of Netflix.And you're possibly going down this spiral of allowing not to bebeing able to manage your emotions. And now you're reacting andyou are possibly even toxic within your team, within your workenvironment home. Then this recession is for you go towww.wendyraid.com for slash free session. And I've got you. Allright, you guys, this is all that I have for you today. Thanks again fortuning in and have a beautiful rest of the week. Bye.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Thank you for joining me in today's episode. And before you go, I'dlove to ask you to take a minute to hit that subscribe button andleave a quick review. And if you're feeling generous, you caninclude a comment with something that you love about the podcast,and I'll choose a few to include a shout outs in upcoming episodes.Thanks again for joining me and let's get after it.