Nov. 1, 2021

Self-doubt slowing you down? 5 things to do when you’re in self-doubt

Self-doubt slowing you down? 5 things to do when you’re in self-doubt

Hey sister-friend, 

Are you allowing self-doubt (a negative feeling) to slow you down or better yet, possibly holding you hostage?

I know I have!

But here's the good news. I believe that when we decide to grow and evolve we are always going to have self-doubt as a companion. It’s part of the process.

Many women choose to stay comfortably right where they are, but if you're NOT and you're willing to feel uncomfortable, then you have to listen to today's episode to learn the 5 things to do while you're in self-doubt!



🔗 Find everything mentioned in today’s episode in the extended show notes at 

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[00:00:00] Wendi: Hey sis welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast. Where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family and have more fun while still serving as a woman leader in this podcast, you will walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman.

[00:00:19] Wendi: Organize your mind. Overcome overwhelm, create a privatization playbook, and a balanced blueprint for integrating. Family and career yeses in that order. Hi, I'm Wendi Wray, woman of God, life mama of two army veteran and certified life coach. I'm here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter joy and intentional free time.

[00:00:43] Wendi: If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a fait led melter woman, CIS, this podcast is for you. So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it's time to step into freedom. Hello? Hello lady. And a welcome to episode number 40. Oh my gosh. Ladies, [00:01:00] where is time going? Like seriously?

[00:01:01] Wendi: What is going on? It is Monday, November 1st, 2021. I hope you are ready for this month and to finish the year strong. And with that really brings up why I want to focus on self doubt. Like, are we allowing self doubt to slow us down? But before we get to our topic for today, I want to give. Joy a shout out because she left me or have you, oh my gosh.

[00:01:28] Wendi: Thank you so much joy. I loved reading your review and this is what joy had to say. I am not military, but I stumbled upon Wendy's podcast and I stayed because her voice Chas you in and her advice was so tactical that I was happy. I found her, I can't imagine how great it would be to listen as a military woman.

[00:01:47] Wendi: So. Joy. Thank you so much for this review once again, and I'm just so happy and grateful that you were able to stumble into this podcast and really take something out of it. That's [00:02:00] honestly my goal. That is honestly what I want to continue to do. And again, this is a shout out and ladies, if you have not left me a review, please do.

[00:02:09] Wendi: So that is honestly the only way that I would know if this is truly resonating with you, it's helping you. So, yes, you have permission to pause this episode right now, and please go take 30 seconds and leave me a review. Thank you so much ahead of time. All right, ladies, let's go right into the topic now and let's talk about self-doubt is self-doubt slowing you down.

[00:02:30] Wendi: Is this something that you are allowing, allowing this feeling to hold you hostage and not allow you to do the things that you've planned to do either for the month, for the week, for this year alone? Is there something. You've been meaning to do, but you just are doubting yourself. You are going through the self doubt that you can't get out of.

[00:02:51] Wendi: Well, today, I'm going to share with you the steps that I have taken myself personally, because this is something that I've struggled with, [00:03:00] especially now that I am growing in my faith, that I am grounded in my faith, in the foundation of God's word. And I just want to continue to allow the holy spirit to lead.

[00:03:11] Wendi: And when I tell you that this topic alone has been brought up so much, not only within, um, one of my clients specifically that is transitioning, but also with my friends, my friends that are out there, um, doing big things, either in the military still or outside of the military. So again, I hope that you listening to Nin, take some notes if you have to, because, or even listen to this episode of ones.

[00:03:37] Wendi: Because this has again helped me and it's helping me even more with other things that I'm planning on doing, which by the way, you'll be hearing more towards the end of this month. But seriously, we want to. Allow in acknowledge self-doubt because if we don't, we're going to continue to keep running away from it, which means that we're going to continue to [00:04:00] procrastinate or prolong the things that we truly want.

[00:04:03] Wendi: And even so the things that God wants us to do on this earth, right? The purpose that God has for us, that we're possibly blocking that we're possibly not even acknowledging because we have this feeling, this negative feeling that we don't want to face. So we have. And we just procrastinate on the things and we just push it to the right, because we don't want to think about it.

[00:04:25] Wendi: We don't want to feel that way. Therefore we're stuck. We are not moving in a direction that we would want to in a direction that God wants us to, because. Again, we have to face it and this is what it's all about. So I don't think that doubt should be something that we don't talk about or that you don't want to face or that you don't want to allow or even think about, because this is the good news you are evolving.

[00:04:55] Wendi: It just means that you're going to try something new, something that you've [00:05:00] possibly, um, haven't tried before or. It's just you taking something to the next level, right. You're trying to get out of your comfort zone. So that's the good news. The good news is if you're experiencing self doubt, then that means that you are one making your goal picker, or you are also.

[00:05:21] Wendi: Going to the next stage, the next phase of your life of your career. Right? So that's the good news. Now, the other part of that, the other side of the good news is obviously the news that we don't really like to, um, want to go through, right? Like the negative emotions that are going to come up. So if you are.

[00:05:40] Wendi: Going to transition. Of course, it's going to, a lot of self doubt is going to come into play because one, you won't have a rank. You won't have the same position. You won't be in the same environment. You're gonna be in a whole different environment, regardless of what you want to make your civilian career or.

[00:05:58] Wendi: Anything, that's [00:06:00] not in the military, a career, even if it's going into government, even if it's going into, um, a GS position, it's still going to be different. Right. So of course self-doubt is going to come up. And of course it's because you are going to be something you're going to be doing something different, a new adventure.

[00:06:16] Wendi: A new career path. Right? So how do we deal with that? How do we face that? How do we not allow this negative emotion of self doubt, slow us down? And I'm going to tell you how so I've broken it down to five steps. So seminar one that will come up and it's going to come up, especially when you're going to do something new and it will require you to get out of your comfort zone.

[00:06:40] Wendi: So allow and acknowledge that self-doubt is a part of the process. Self doubt is going to happen when you're trying to grow one of all. So that's step number one, step number two, to not lean in into your own understanding. You have to be willing to trust God. You have to be willing and trusting that [00:07:00] he's got you.

[00:07:00] Wendi: No matter what, because remember. We only know what is going on with us in this very moment and what we have done in the past. The only one that knows our future in our has already set our plans for us is God. It's our Lord, our sweet heavenly father. And I want to remind you with. A verse from the Bible, Proverbs chapter three, verse five to six trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding in all your ways, acknowledge him.

[00:07:32] Wendi: And he will make straight your paths. So ladies, it's hard at times to just be like, okay, Wendy. Yeah, I'm still, um, you know, maybe Christian or I'm still very young. And my foundation of. So, how do I just one acknowledge that self-doubt is going to come up in two to trust the Lord. This is how you start by getting in the word.

[00:07:59] Wendi: You start [00:08:00] by going to what he has promised us he will continue to do, because he loves us. So trusting in him with all of our heart, with all of our heart and not leaning in our owner on because when we do. Only seek our own understanding. We fall into self doubt, right? Because we don't know what we are truly honestly capable of doing.

[00:08:27] Wendi: Like God does. God knows us so well. He already has a plan for us. He already has his purpose for us individually. So again, when we do that, when we don't trust him, we fall into this self doubt and we possibly will never get out of it. If we don't come to him, which leads me into step number three, we want to pray.

[00:08:48] Wendi: We want to ask God to help us reveal to us what we're feeling. What is it really? That is creating all of this self doubt. And I'll tell you the truth. [00:09:00] It was the opinion of man the opinion of another person about me, right? Like, oh, what are they going to think? Oh, she didn't make the military, her career.

[00:09:10] Wendi: Like she said, she was going to make it, oh, is she going to make it out there? Is she going to find a career that she likes, that's going to pay her? Well, that's going to, um, continue to allow her to be successful in whatever she does. So all these things, all these thoughts that I was having, God revealed to me, what is it that I was honestly.

[00:09:28] Wendi: All the fears that I was having in. That's why it's so important to just pray and get close to him, praying about what is it that. Keeping you in fear because self-doubt is only the, the beginning of it. The more we sit on self doubt, the more we allow self-doubt to slow us down. It can then turn into fear because of all the compounding thoughts that we're having about this next step, about evolving, about growing, about doing the things that are not comfortable for us.

[00:09:59] Wendi: And I want [00:10:00] to read to you Jeremiah chapter 29. Verse 11 through 13, four. I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope in the future. Then you will come upon me and come and pray to me. And I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

[00:10:25] Wendi: Thank you so much, father, thank you so much for reminding us, for giving us your word for your promises, that you will not leave us. You will be there to listen to us when we need you ladies. He is so good. He is so good to us. So that's step number three. Pray, ask God to help you reveal what you are. Step number four, uncover the thoughts.

[00:10:50] Wendi: And this is how you do that. You ask yourself, what am I afraid of? And you can also do that through prayer, like ask God to reveal to you what you are fearing, what are you afraid of? And when [00:11:00] you get that answer, when you have that, you can write that down or you can just keep praying about it, but be willing to be uncomfortable temporarily, like be willing to acknowledge that.

[00:11:14] Wendi: Wow. It was man that I was swearing. Like how uncomfortable can that be? Sometimes like, for me, it wasn't like, no, at first I was in denial. I'm not going to lie. Like, it just can't be that I'm afraid of what somebody else thinks. I don't care about what they think. I don't care about their opinion, but that's honestly what was happening.

[00:11:30] Wendi: I was allowing other people's opinions to slow me down on what I wanted to do. And once you uncover that, once you uncover like what exactly it is like, it could be your parents, it could be your. Your husband, your significant other whomever. It may be, you want to know and be willing to just be uncomfortable temporarily with acknowledging that you have taking other people's opinions or whatever it may be or whatever you're afraid of possibly being lonely or [00:12:00] possibly, um, not having enough money or not being as quote unquote successful or having that, um, rank that.

[00:12:11] Wendi: Position that authority, right? Like whatever it is, just be willing to be uncomfortable and acknowledge it and be honest about it. And step number five, you want to focus on changing the thoughts that you're having about yourself currently. What does that mean? You have to filter what is true and what isn't.

[00:12:27] Wendi: And I want to read you another verse that really has helped me be more clear with what I mean about understanding. What's true and what's not because. Most of the thoughts that we get our opinions of what other people have possibly said about us before, or even things that we've considered based on our past, based on our experiences, based on the decisions and choices that we've made.

[00:12:51] Wendi: And our mind does a really good job about keeping us safe. Remember we want to, um, stay comfortable. We want to be able to survive. So we [00:13:00] want to be in this. Space. So what our brain does it give us all the worst case scenarios. It gives us all the things. It brings up. All these thoughts that has either, um, hurt us, has either put us in a place of shame, a place of unworthiness, and our brain wants us to continue to remind us so that we don't do the same thing.

[00:13:20] Wendi: Oh, we don't want to get embarrassed. We don't want to get discouraged. We don't want to. Um, be seen as an worthy. So why even try this new thing? Why even go out of our comfort zone, where we could just stay here or we can just be comfortable, but this is what I want to offer. This is in Philippians chapter four, verse eight or nine, whatever is true.

[00:13:37] Wendi: Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely. Whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things, whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me, put it into practice in the God of peace will be with you. Amen to that.

[00:13:57] Wendi: And the God of peace will be [00:14:00] with. He is so good. He is always wanting us to be at peace and it begins with us understanding what we are thinking, right? Filtering those thoughts, filtering what is shown, what is it? What is of God? What is of, you know, our, our flesh, what is of our earthly desires? What is of this world that we're living in, right?

[00:14:20] Wendi: Like what is it that is based on this culture that we're in versus. What is coming from God, what he wants for us, right? Like what he thinks about me, what he wants me to do on this earth for his glory. Like, how does he want me to serve? Like, that's what we need to focus on. We need to start changing those thoughts that we have about ourselves, because possibly that's what society has put on us.

[00:14:47] Wendi: These labels. We want to be able to do that, to identify what is true and what isn't. So that's step number five. And so the next time ladies, you are feeling as if you shouldn't be [00:15:00] feeling this self doubt. Yes. You shouldn't be filling it because again, anything. That we do. And we solely rely on ourselves, our own understanding, our own thinking of course, self doubt is going to come up.

[00:15:12] Wendi: Of course. And of course it's going to come up as well, because we don't know what we are honestly, um, capable of because we don't know ourselves as much as our sweet father does. God knows us so well, we don't, we think we do, but we don't so no longer. Just relying on herself, but trusting our father. So let me just recap so that you can seriously start practicing, practicing this.

[00:15:46] Wendi: If this is something that you struggle. Step number one, acknowledge and allowed doubt to come up because it will, especially when you're doing something new, something that isn't, um, a part of the culture, something that isn't [00:16:00] something that, um, society is okay with, um, something that is possibly bringing you closer to that or something that is some, uh, something that God wants you to do for his kingdom.

[00:16:09] Wendi: Of course, self doubt is going to come up. Right. So leads me into number two. And do not lean in, in your own understanding. And by the way, you can go to Proverbs chapter three, verse five through six, to help you meditate on his word. And number three, pray, ask God to help you reveal what you are fearing.

[00:16:34] Wendi: Remember that is so important for us to do, and you can go to Jeremiah chapter 29, verse 11 to 13, and step number four. You want to uncover the thoughts you want to ask yourself? What are you afraid of and just be willing to be uncomfortable in it's only temporary. Remember that step number five, change your thoughts that you're having.

[00:16:54] Wendi: Currently. You want to take that through a filter. You want to filter those thoughts and you. [00:17:00] I want to be able to distinguish what's true and what's not right. That's what I mean about filtering. And you can also meditate on Philippians chapter form first eight through nine. All right, ladies, I hope that this has been super helpful and that this episode has resonated with you and that you will no longer allow self doubt to slow you down because God has a purpose for you.

[00:17:21] Wendi: God has given you this one piece of the puzzle that he wants you to continue to build on. On this earth and serve him and not only serve him, but serve other people, bring other people to him and know it's not going to be easy. It's going to take a lot of courage. It's going to take a lot of. And faith.

[00:17:39] Wendi: All right, lady, that's all that I have for you today. Remember, I'll be releasing another episode on Wednesday. I hope this episode resonated with you and you're ready for the next one where I talk about confidence. And if you want to take this a step deeper and you want to be more intentional with your time and just continue to grow in your faith and become more productive, you have to schedule a free session with me.

[00:17:59] Wendi: Go to [00:18:00] and I'll help you get started. Alright lady, have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye. Hey lady. If this podcast helped you challenge you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on apple podcast and share it with another military.

[00:18:17] Wendi: Helping you integrate balance prioritization and a growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I'm so blessed that you were here and please join us in the faith led military woman community on Facebook at hope to see you there and I'll meet you back here next week.

[00:18:37] Wendi: Bye.