What are you focusing on for the next 30 days besides the holidays?
Possibly setting goals?!
So often we set goals and want things based on something we lack.
If we don’t feel happy, we should strive to get something to make ourselves happy...lose weight or make more money.
That is the problem.
That will never, ever solve itself, and that’s why some people will always be on a never-ending cycle of chasing happiness.
In today's episode, I share what to focus on and how to set ONE goal for the next 30 days.
I pray this episode blesses you and encourages you to end 2021 strong!
🔗 Find everything mentioned in today’s episode in the extended show notes at http://www.beyondthemilitary.co/49
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Hey SIS. Welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family and have more fun while still serving as a woman leader in this podcast, you will walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman. Organize your mind. Overcome overwhelming, create a privatization playbook and balanced blueprint for integrating family. Yes, it's in that order. Hi, I'm Wendi Wray, woman of God, life mama, two army veteran and certified life coach. I'm here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter joy and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout, increase balances, a faith led military woman since this podcast is for you. So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it's time to step into freedom. Hello. Hello ladies. And welcome to episode number 49 and happy December you all. It's already December. We're getting so close to not only closing out 2021, but also one of the quote unquote busiest month of the year, because not only are we getting ready to celebrate the holidays, but there's also so many other things. Trying to do as we close out the year and prepare and plan for the following year. So I am just so excited for everything that I have planned already. And again, we plan things, but we all know that we are not in control, so it's completely okay. If there are possibly some plans that you. Probably, um, or plans that haven't gone your way. Let's just say that. Um, but again, I am just so excited for December. Um, I think we, all of December, we all enjoy. Um, decorating, we all enjoy getting gifts ready. We'll enjoy just celebrating with friends, celebrating with family, just being around the people that we love, that we enjoy, especially after having a whole year of not being able to be with family or as much family as we are so used to. So again, super excited and I hope that. And today's topic, as I mentioned last week is all about goal setting. But before we dive right in into how to cultivate a goal, how to set and how to start setting goals, now I really want to backtrack and I really want to explain, you know, why it's so important to have goals and also, you know, what it really means to. Set a goal and why we want to do that. So kind of give you like the background on the why of goals and the importance of it, and then go into how we can actually start setting goals now instead of just waiting until January. So I want to be. Kind of focusing this episode for the next 30 days. It could be the next four for this month and December. Um, really, depending on when you listen to this podcast. So this episode, so if you're listening to this episode on the 1st of December of 20, 21, great. If not just use this as a starting point for the next 30 days. And the reason I'd like to say next 30 days is because that is one of these short terms. Um, Kind of window that our mind requires for us to kind of build a habit and to really start learning how to implement a strategy and tactics. So. Again, that's why I like to use the number 30. A lot of people say it's between 21 days and 30 days. Um, and it can go up to 90 days again, depending on who you are and where you're at, because we're all in on different, um, stages in different habit routines in different cycles. And just honestly, in different seasons of our lives, right? Some of us may be having a great experience right now. And some of us may not, some of us may be, you know, going through a difficult moment, a challenging moment in her life. So again, just being able to use the window time that works best for you based on where you're at is always beneficial. So for the next 30 days, I want to offer you to focus on setting one goal. And with that, keeping this in mind, keep it in mind that you are going to set this goal based on who you want to become, not on the result specifically, but on who you want to become. So not the how, but the who meaning red car-less. If you do get the results. You do get the goal. What I want you to pay attention to for the next few days is who you are becoming along the way. And the reason being is because most of the times we often want things in our lives, or we set these goals because of the things that we want in our life. Based on something that we are lacking. Right. So if we don't feel happy, sometimes we feel that we should strive to get something, to make ourselves happy. Right. So if I were to say my, the goal, the goal that I want to set is to lose 10 pounds. And maybe because I think that I'll, you know, when I'm 10 pounds thinner or lighter, I'll be happier because I'll be able to fit in, um, size two jeans, whatever it may be for you. Right. But here's the thing there's always going to be something that we lack. There's always going to be something that we can improve on. And that's a good thing, right. Because we're growing and we're learning and we're developing also a new skill of evolving. So when it comes to striving for something. Make you feel happy or create this positive emotion? I think that that is when we create this problem, because now we're chasing this thing and this result this goal to help us feel that positive emotion, it could be happy, excited, and motivated, but when really we should be chasing the emotion because then who will solve the. The, uh, goal within itself. And I think that that's why some people will always be chasing happiness and will continue to be on this cycle of, I need to get this in order to feel this way. And if you've been following me and listening in to this podcast, you know, that I teach that all of our films. Including happiness comes from our thinking comes from our mind. It comes from our thoughts. So that's something that we can create within ourselves. That's something that we can genuinely intentionally on purpose do, and be intentional when it comes to our thinking and our feelings. Now that is not to say that achieving something or gain a goal that we have set. Will not increase our capacity for happiness. I mean, it will. So also the point of having goals is not to be happier than we are today. We set goals because our purpose on this earth is to not only evolve into. A better version of who we are today, but also to possibly even find better and easier ways of doing different things, right? Like making an impact and serving the people in this squirrel to differently in a better way. So if you want to finish 20, 21 this year strong, you have to begin with acknowledging who you've become as of today as of December 1st or whenever you're listening to this episode, because you want to acknowledge that. The person you've become all along the last 11 months throughout the 11 months that we, if that we've experienced this year, regardless if you met your goal. And the reason being is because then you get to not only identify the things that the experiences or the moments that you've had that have helped you possibly get closer to that goal, that you've set for yourself at the beginning of the year. And you can also maybe even acknowledge. That maybe you lost track of the goal, but on the flip side of that, you possibly grew as a person that you probably didn't even have in mind or had intended to become in. Right? Maybe you grew stronger. Maybe you had a challenge in your life this past 11 months. Um, you possibly had to go through so many obstacles, right? You possibly failed a couple of times, and now you are recognizing that. Maybe you lost sight, you lost sight of that one goal, but now here you are a person that has evolved and grown, right? So I want you to begin with that. So it becomes not only more, um, effective for you to focus on. What you want to set as a goal, but also to continue to focus on who you want to become instead of the result itself, instead of the how and how you're going to do it, and all these other details that our mind wants to go to, because that's what we do. We want to find the solution or mine wants to, um, at the same time freak out and not, um, be able to find a solution to that specifically. Gold because most of the times, yes, our goals are going to be uncomfortable. They're going to require some discomfort and we don't like that. Or at least our minds don't like that. So beginning there and understanding that we don't need to chase the goal in itself. We want to chase the emotion. And when we can do that from the beginning, we can start identifying and acknowledging the thoughts that we want. And also the thoughts that we're having already, because that's where we want to start to, we want to start with, what is it that we're thinking about? What is it that is keeping us in self doubt? What is it that we can't move on from what are the limiting beliefs and all these little things so that we can then have a better direction on exactly what we really want. Right? Like what exactly we want to grow into and evolve because yes. We can be happy now, but at the same time, you also want to challenge yourself, right? You also want to be able to, you know, run the 10 miles that you've always wanted. You want to, um, really dig deeper or go deeper in your career, go all in on your career. Um, possibly really improve your marriage now, um, be a intentional and present and dedicated. And that's honestly, one of the things that came up from me this year, that wasn't something that I wrote down, um, for this year specifically, but I've honestly grown so much, not only as a woman, but also as a mother and how to really connect with my kids, even when it's hard, even when there are so many things going on, there are so many distractions. That we have every single moment. So becoming this person that I had no expectation of becoming, or even thought I could ever be at this point, because again, it wasn't something that I had in mind. It wasn't something that I was completely focused up until towards the end of the year, because then I had realized that that is something that I really wanted to focus on now. So again, being able to dedicate these next 30 days to something that you want to focus. Not to necessarily make you happier, but to help you grow as a person. And so if you decide to do this and go all in and finish the year strong, I want you to keep in mind too, that it's not something that you need to start thinking of the steps and the how, remember it's just identifying or sorry. Step one. Acknowledging. Who you've become. And then if there's a goal that you kind of lost track of, then that's something that you may want to now focus on. So if this is something that you want to do, you know, here are the pretty much the tactical things that I would recommend and want to offer you because it is going to be important to understand, you know, Why goal setting is difficult, right. And you know how it also can serve us and benefit us in the long run. So one of the reasons, um, goal setting can become overwhelming and frustrating and even sometimes hard because it's uncomfortable. We immediately go into self doubt. And we also have this mind that wants to know exactly how we're going to get there. Like we immediately, our mind immediately want to go to, well, I've tried this before, but it didn't work or I've tried it 10 other ways and it hasn't worked just yet. So. Where do I find the other house? Where's this other guide? Where's this, this map, right. But there's no one way. I mean, everyone does things differently. I mean, just with pregnancies alone, right? Like I've had three pregnancies and they've all been completely different. So again, being able to understand that everyone's journey is going to be. And keeping in mind that our brains are going to freak out, especially when you put it on paper, especially when it's something that you can see your mind immediately is going to go into self doubt and you're going to get uncomfortable and you're going to want to go look for the details, the how, and then you're going to get frustrated and overwhelmed. And then you wonder why is it that I can never sit down and write this down? It's because of that. So again, we want to be able to. Not only supervisor brain, but we want to give a direction. We want to be able to put our minds at ease so that we can also remind ourselves that we aren't going to repeat our past. And it's going to help us not only be more intentional with our lives, but be more deliberate, deliberate with where we want to go and really understand, you know, is this survey. Will this goal serve me or will it just add to my frustration and my anger and my overwhelm and anxiety. And here's the thing either way, regardless of the goals that we set or we don't set our lives are going to be 50, 50, 50% great, 50% terrible or 50% positive, 50%. So right now, ask yourself, why do you think you want to set this certain goal regardless of what your call me being? It could be going to the gym everyday. It could be losing five pounds. It could be spending more time with your husband. It could be spending more time with your kids. It could be reading the Bible every day or whatever it may be. Ask yourself. Why do I need this go in? Who do I want? To become to achieve it. And when you answer that question and again, it's going to be different for everyone. And when you answer that question, write it down and you want to be able to only focus on this one thing for the next year. And remember, this is only for the next 30 days. So only pick one. You want to be able to write down one thing you want to focus on for the next 30 days. And that alone can also be uncomfortable. It can be difficult because we want to do all the things we want to improve in our marriage. We want to improve as a mom, you want to improve at work. You want to improve in our health. We want to improve in our mental wellbeing. We want to improve in our business and our career. So many things, right. But just. Pick one. And I'm going to use my example to, um, help you follow along with how you want to start setting those goals and how you want to continue to do this every single day for the next 30 days. So the first thing is write down what your goal will be, or your focus, sorry, for the next 30 days. So for me, it's going to be specifically spending one hour in the word in the book. And dedicating that time to God and prayer and Bible studies for the next 30 days. And remember you want to make this measurable. So if your focus for the next 30 days is to improve your relationship with your husband, then you want to make it measurable. Right? You want to be able to say every day I am going to. Ask them a question or I am going to set up three dates for the next 30 days, or I'm going to do less arguing. You are going to possibly just dedicate 15 times every single day, specifically to your husband. So that's what I mean about making it measurable. Yes. If it doesn't seem like there's a possibility of making it measurable, there is solid. For example, for mine, I want to not only learn more about God, but also grow spiritually. Right. And so there isn't like this measure thing. I can't, you know, Get on the scale to kind of see if I've lost weight or try on some jeans to kind of see if I'm moving along or kind of making it a measurable, uh, actual goal. So what I'm doing is getting into the word every single day for an hour, and that can include prayer that can include just, um, journaling on what I've learned when it comes to a Bible study. So that's what I mean. So when you've done that, you want to be able to dedicate that time every single day for the next 30 days. So the next thing you want to do is identify the obstacles. So brainstorm the obstacles you may have, or that may come up. When you want to dedicate those 15 minutes with your husband, and when you want to set a specific date, when you want to dedicate time and to, to God. And for me, one of my major obstacles is going to bed at Eastern. Because I want to be able to sleep at least six hours a night or six hours each night. And another obstacle is, um, Netflix. I, especially on Fridays Fridays, if you guys know me, I love to dedicate at least two hours to Netflix. And that is going to be hard on Fridays because my brain is already wired to do that and look forward to Friday nights because. I enjoy watching Netflix. That's just my thing. So that will be an obstacle for specifically Friday and another obstacle that I think I'm going to have is distractions. When the text becomes difficult to understand, right, I'm going to want to Google things. I'm going to want to, um, go and research other, um, other sources other than the Bible, other than just alone. Right. So that's, my obstacles are my obstacles. So for you, it may be different, right? If you're trying to go to the gym every morning, you know, maybe you can't physically get up earlier or you have to, um, you know, drop off the kids somewhere and then, you know, coordinate the logistics when it comes to going on. The dates again, coordinating the logistics, making sure that your husband is available at that time or that day. So all of these things you want to write down, you want to be able to not only identify the obstacle, but then here's the next step. You want to be able to create a strategy around that obstacle. So now you're thinking, well, if I have to wake up. In our earlier, that means I have to go to sleep an hour earlier because I just need my six or seven hours of sleep, or I need to make sure that everything is ready prior to me going to the gym, because then I take the kids to school or whatever it may be, or you be ready by the time you drop the kids off and then go to the gym, whatever you need to do, you can create network strategy around that. And the last thing you want to do is make a plan. And by starting at the end, and we all know this in the military, we do this all the time. We. Backwards plan. So we start at the end and we create this timeline base on where we're going to begin. Right? So allowing yourself to create that. And you guys, this is literally going to take you no more than 30 minutes. I promise. And by that, I mean, one, you sitting down one time and planning this out for the next 30 days. So being able to identify all the things that you need to get done so that. This does happen. And you focus only on that one goal that you have set for yourself. Now here's the thing. Most of us get so focused on deadlines and meeting the school by a certain date. Let's just say, let's just say that your goal is to improve your relationship with your husband and you have set now three dates and. Um, three separate dates and you've gone to one, but then the second one, you know, something happens, right? Maybe it was an unforeseen that, you know, your, your family couldn't take care of the babies, your friends, your neighbors, your daycare, your babysitter, you got cut up at work. He got cut up at work. That, that alone shouldn't be a moment for you to be completely disappeared. Not necessarily at the circumstance, but understanding. That there are, there's still time, right? Like that isn't the only day that you can go on a date or, you know, you only have 30 days to get closer to God, or you only have 30 days to, um, meet or go on a date to meet someone else or get this job. Right. Especially if you're transitioning, don't allow yourself to only focus on those 30 days are on that timeline. It's always better for you to do. Push the goal to the right and extend the timeline versus giving up on the goal or even decreasing the goal. Right. So instead of just saying, well, we only went on one day, I guess that's going to be enough, or I guess that's it. That's not the point. The point is to just reschedule a date or have another date within the next 60 days. So that's what. And also being more clear about this, not changing the goal, not changing the goal that you started off with, and you guys here is a secret of goal setting. You do not know the how until you actually get to the goal. And I think that once you can really understand that and allow that to sink in. There will be no given up, there will be no quitting, right? Because again, our minds want to go to the hell and winter minds do not have the house to kind of freak out. And then we create self doubt. We create frustration, overwhelming anxiety, stress, and all the other negative emotions that are not necessary. And possibly even keeping you away from setting goals ever again. Right. Because. When we don't set goals, we feel some relief. We feel some comfort. And the downfall is that we don't grow our growth stops. We don't evolve. And we then go into this spiral. Of confirming our limiting beliefs confirming this cycle of self doubt. So today I want to offer you to focus on the next 30 days. I want to offer you to finish strong this year and to really acknowledge who you've become. Thus far, because I promise you, you have grown, you have changed, even if you've gone through the most challenging experiences, even if you've dealt with a challenge that was unforeseen in your life. So I challenge you to go right this moment and write down that measurable goal that you want to set for yourself. Look at the obstacles, brainstorm all the obstacles that may come up and then create a strategy around those obstacles so that you can plan to overcome them ahead of time. And then you make a plan. Beginning at the end so that you can have this detailed plan that will help Katie and put your mind at ease because remember our minds want the house so bad. So let's put our mind at ease and allow ourselves to plan this ahead and allow ourselves to see the goal that we're aiming for the next 30 days to focus on finishing strong and to focus on the person that we're be. Focusing on the who, not the, how, not the result, but only the hoop. All right, ladies, that's all that I have for you today. I pray that this episode has blessed you, and I hope that this helps you not only start taking action right now, but also just acknowledging all of the good things because our mind is. So easily drawn to the negative things, to the bad things, to the things that we lack. And so today I want to offer you to do the opposite and just focus on all the good, so that you can focus on really understanding who you need to be to get to the goal that you set for yourself. All right, ladies, thank you so much for listening in and listen. If you want to take this a step deeper and you want to be more intentional with your time, grow in your faith and become more productive schedule, a free session with. All you have to do is go to www.wendiwray.com/freesession. And I hope you get started. Have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye. Hey lady. If this podcast helped you challenge you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on apple podcasts and share it with another military sister. I'm hoping you integrate balance prioritization in growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I'm so blessed that you were here. Please join us in the faith lender, military woman, community on Facebook at bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp hope to see you there and I'll meet you back here next week. Bye.